my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize