her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
