by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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