If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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