Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
