remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
