I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
