i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize