I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
