I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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