In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
they're like a gay fantastic four
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
