He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
