you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
