The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
