My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im holly from the hills drunk
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she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
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i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize