When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
sarcasm needs its own font
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize