grandma shit on top of the toilet
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
