Umm I'm too high to move.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
