yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so that wasnt chicken after all
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
