just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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