Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
