Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
