I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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