Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
