You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
