i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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