She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
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how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
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