..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
