i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
