I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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