drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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