i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Let's paint friendship bongs
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
