Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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