the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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