Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
