you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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