How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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