It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
