it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
