Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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