Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
