I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
