I wish i was in the wii world.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
