We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
