I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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