Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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