Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
