it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
