i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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