even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
