Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
