i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
