***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
