and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
