My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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