i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
