He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
