what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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