I'm going to rape someone's good day.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
