Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
