I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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