i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
