i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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