At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
