Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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