He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
