Porn is love you can see.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
