HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
